Memorize
by ddynasty
Summary: "Mama. Come back. I-I don't... I don't know what to do! Mama! I don't want to be alone!" A Rufus Lore backstory, basically.


**All notes are at the bottom. PM me if you have questions.  
** **This is 100% my headcannon, since I wanted a Rufus childhood story.**

When Rufus was a kid, he didn't understand the difference between a wizard and a human. Everyone looked the same, the only difference was magic, which Rufus didn't think was that big of a deal. Sure, magic could be great, but he imagined a life without magic was filled with more love. No one told him that humans would give anything for magic, he never knew.

When Rufus was a kid, he was the best at memorizing things. The vocabulary words he had to learn for school, the rules his mom and dad set for him, multiplication tables, the ingredients on the back of food products, everyone's names, even what someone had said to the exact word. His teacher had to keep giving him more words to memorize, more equations to learn. He remembered the phone call his parents got late at night from his teacher saying that something was wrong with him, with his unnatural memorization skills.

When Rufus was a kid, other kids didn't want to play with him. He had memorized every type of sport, every type of game, so that he wouldn't be left out, but that wasn't good enough. The kids called him names, accused him of being a wizard. Rufus thought that to be strange. He didn't know why being a wizard was such a bad thing to be. Wizards helped other people. They helped create lacrima so that people would have a never ending fuel source.

When Rufus was a kid, he discovered the harsh meaning of the phrase 'black sheep.' To be outcast from people who you know and love, there could be nothing worse. It was then Rufus decided he would try to be like the other kids. He would try to make his parents proud. He would prove that he wasn't a wizard.

Rufus put his plan into action. He found out kids his age didn't pay attention to rules or manners. If they wanted something, they would have it. It was hard for Rufus to do those things when what he wanted was to memorize, to learn. But every time he did, he remembered his mother's face when the teacher called and asked if he was a wizard or not. It was, in a single word, furious.

Neither his mother nor his father were wizards. Neither his aunts, his uncles, nor his grandmothers and grandfathers. Rufus Lore was an anomaly, and he prayed not to be one.

But all good things come to an end, so that new doors may open. Rufus wished he had the ability to forget things, to never remember something again, like normal people. He had been in his room, reading a book when his front door burst open. His parents, who were in the room next to his, woke up from the sound. Rufus put his book away and pretended to be asleep in his bed, just in case he would be scolded for staying up past his bedtime.

His father came into his room after a few moments and shook him awake. "Rufus, you need to wake up. There are some people downstairs, you need to hide. Rufus go somewhere no one will find you, except me. Okay? Go, now. Quickly."

Rufus blinked twice and did as his father said. He hid in a dresser in the guest bedroom. No one ever came in the guest bedroom. They never had guests often. Rufus wondered if the people downstairs were guests. He wondered if he was going to get caught then. Faintly, he could hear the voice of his mother.

She sounded like she was crying.

The people downstairs were yelling now; Rufus couldn't make out clear words. He thought it was rude to make so much noise at night, when people were sleeping. Quietly, Rufus left his hiding spot. It had been approximately 10 minutes. If something bad was to happen, it would have already.

As he was creeping down the stairs, he heard a weird sound, like metal against metal, and the sickening sound of his mother choking. Rufus quickly ran down the steps, only to see his father lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, and his mother, who had just been slit across the throat.

There were two people standing. Both held knives, both covered in blood. One of them smirked.

"Oh? So there was a kid. I thought they said there wasn't one. Well, he's seen them now. Might as well kill him, then raid the place."

Rufus suddenly felt anger rise in his chest. He didn't know that his eyes had started to glow and that his magic aura was showing. A soft, golden glow covered the room. Suddenly, memories of wizards fighting he had only seen on his screen lacrima and spells he read in a book behind his parents' backs appeared before him. Rufus narrowed his eyes and chose a spell he thought was best. He didn't know what to call it, both the spell and the magic he was using, so he just closed his eyes and hoped that the spell did something.

There was a flash of light, then an explosion. The screams of the two people couldn't even be heard. Once everything had settled, Rufus didn't care about anything else. His legs felt weak, so he crawled his way over to his parents, who lied dead. Their eyes were open, so Rufus closed them.

The images of his mother's throat and his father's stab wound haunted his memories. He bent over his parents' bodies and wept.

"Mama. Come back. I-I don't... I don't know what to do! Mama!

I don't want to be alone!"

* * *

Everything after his parents' death was a blur. News got out that Rufus was a wizard. Rumors spread that he was the one who killed his parents, even though the bodies of the murderers were found and all the evidence pointed to them. Rufus was taken in and questioned. He spent nights at a Rune Knights' station, unable to sleep. Sleep meant reliving his awful memories. He just wanted to forget.

Above all things, Rufus just wanted to forget.

After being questioned and the case was solved and his parents were buried and everything else, Rufus was put into an orphanage. He made no friends. He made no effort. Often, he didn't eat. Sleep was the farthest thing from his mind.

Rufus kept himself busy by reading. The caretakers were nice enough to give him a few books, and were surprised when the next day, he had asked for more. Rufus read, and read, and did nothing else. It kept his mind off other things. He learned facts about the country he lived in and neighboring ones as well. The country that interested him most was Fiore.

Fiore was a place where there was a Magic Council. Rune Knights were all over the world, but Rufus had never heard of a Magic Council before. Fiore happened to be a land full of wizards and magic and inventions and, most importantly, guilds.

A guild sounded like a dream. A place where wizards could be friends with other wizards, where there would be others like him. A place where he could have a family again.

So Rufus formed a plan to go to Fiore. He was 16 anyways, he was going to grow out of the system soon enough. There was nothing left in his home country anymore, and nothing wanted him. Armed with a few books on spells and the little money he had, Rufus set out for Fiore.

He was determined to get there, even if it took him months.

* * *

Rufus' trip wasn't easy. He escaped the orphanage, then boarded a train that would take him as close to Fiore as possible. The train ride was boring, so he reread the books he had brought with him. He ended up falling asleep on the train, and suffered through nightmares because of it.

Rufus decided not to fall sleep on trains after that.

When the train ride stopped, Rufus checked how much money he had left and found a restaurant. He ate there and then made his way back to the train station, determined to find a train that would take him into Fiore.

He eventually found one, but had to buy a ticket that was expensive. Rufus calculated how much money he would be able to spend on food and travel from there on out.

While he was waiting for the train, Rufus memorized the area around him. It was a regular train station, so he didn't stare for too long. What interested him more was the people. Rufus noticed that more wizards were around. They carried papers with them. Some talked about rewards and quests. Others talked about training and something called the Grand Magic Games. Going by the title, Rufus guess it was a game only wizards play. He would have to memorize its rules. He didn't want to be left out again when he got to join a guild.

Rufus didn't realize that he was staring so intently at the wizards, with such curiosity that had no boundaries, that his eyes began to glow. It was if a mine had been set off, some wizards looked in his direction. Rufus had no idea what was going on, why the wizards were looking at him and whispering.

A hand tapped his shoulder and he turned around. A girl, who seemed to be a bit older than him, was looking at him curiously. She looked to be from the East. Rufus took note of her outfit and hair style, deciding to look up what they were inspired by.

The girl crossed her arms. "Why were you releasing your magic energy like that?"

Rufus was confused. "My... magic energy...?"

"Yes, why were you doing that?" The girl sighed. She looked annoyed.

"I... didn't know. Are you a wizard?"

The girl scoffed. "You don't recognize me? I'm Minerva Orland, daughter of the Master of the number one guild in Fiore: Sabertooth. I was here on a job. Do you belong to a guild?"

Rufus shook his head. He remembered his manners and bowed slightly to the girl. "My name is Rufus Lore. I've never seen Fiore, and I don't belong to a guild."

Minerva seemed to ponder something for a moment. "What type of magic do you use?"

"I..." Just as Rufus was to answer, the train whistle blew, signaling the departure of the train. Minerva sighed once more and grabbed his arm, leading him to the train.

"You can tell me on the train. Let's find an open booth, quickly."

Rufus could only nod as he was pulled along. The two sat at a booth at the back of the train. A few adults gave them strange looks, but they were mostly ignored. Minerva crossed her arms again.

"So, what kind of magic do you use?"

"I don't know what it's called." Rufus gave his answer quietly, unsure of what the girl's reaction was going to be.

"Have you... ever used your magic before? What was it like?"

Rufus' hands shook. He desperately tried to push his bad memories away. "It was like I could see all the spells I had ever memorized before. I chose one and used it."

Minerva leaned forward, uncrossing her arms. "Memorizing...? You can memorize spells?"

"Not just spells, anything. I've been able to my whole life." Rufus shrugged, unaware that he had such a rare and ancient magic.

"I'm taking you to Sabertooth. I think you're magic is strong. You'll need training though." Minerva went back to crossing her arms, but her look stayed interested.

Rufus' expression brightened. "Really? Sabertooth? Thank you."

Minerva smiled as a response. Throughout the entire train ride, Rufus could help but fidget knowing that once he got to Fiore, he would be in a guild.

Little did he know, that guild Sabertooth, in X788, wasn't quite the place of comfort he had imagined.

* * *

Later, much much later, when Sting was the guild Master and Sabertooth was a much kinder place, Rufus finally found the family he had been looking for. They sat next to him, forming a circle of six (eight if you counted the Exceeds). After a few of them had shared a few of their childhood memories, it came around to Rufus' turn.

Sting grinned, which was something Rufus had memorized to remind him that he lived in a kinder world now, and spoke in a loud voice.

"So Rufus, do you have any good memories? I'm sure you do."

Rufus gave a bittersweet smile, savoring the small moment for all it was worth before he gave his answer.

"I can't remember."

* * *

 **A/N:  
A few main story notes:  
\- It is my _headcannon_ that Rufus is not from Fiore. I couldn't decide whether his home country should be Seven or Bosco. :)  
\- In X788, Rufus would actually be 16, since he is 19 in the GMG arc (X791)  
\- It is also my headcannon that Rufus came from a non-mage family, so he learned a lot about magic in Sabertooth (and had bad infleuences, explaining his behavior in the anime).  
\- I love tragic pasts sue me  
\- Rufus' eyes glowing are a cannon thing, it happens in the anime when he fights a dragon with Orga. **

**Side notes:  
\- I will writing a bilingual Gray story because Isvan and Brago aren't in Fiore (maybe in Bosco, but Bosco is a slave-trading country maybe so possibly Iceberg).  
\- There is no specific location for Sabertooth? Can someone tell me where because I couldn't find a city.  
\- Rufus is now one of my favorite characters tbh.  
\- Pray for all my multi-chapters, idk how well they will turn out.**

 **Anyways, thank you for reading! You guys are all amazing! 3**


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